making parents proud, being "good enough," and craving validation

Do you know the Tangled Series, otherwise known officially on Disney Plus as Rapunzel's Tangled Adventures?

By the way, I really recommend the show, it gives children's cartoons a twist by making the morals genuinely relatable real-world problems about how the world works (e.g 'not everybody has to like you,' 'you don't have to make no mistakes to be a good person,' 'trust your instincts,' 'you have to be careful who you trust and let into your life,' 'you shouldn't have to bottle up your negative emotions when there are people that love you in your life,' 'you need to learn to get out of your comfort zone,' 'you are not your past and mistakes' .etc.) I will probably write a whole separate piece about the lessons in TTS at some point.

The "villain" of season one is a fourteen year old, scrappy, and talented alchemist by the name of Varian. He is arguably the best written antagonist with the best villain arc I have seen in media, ever. This is because he has a really relatable character, not just in that "ohh this villain has trust issues" or "this villain is afraid of so-and-so." No, it's because he is, at his core, just a boy, just a sweet kid who wants to help people and improve the world, who would do anything to make his father proud. (BTW: I also have an analysis on Varian's character and what makes him so well-written planned for soon.)

Teenagers out there, think about this: How far would you go for the validation of your parents?

For Adults: How far would you have gone as a child for the vaildation of your parents?

So many children in the world, including myself, would do anything to make their parents proud. A crucial part of Varian's character is that he wants to prove himself to his dad and the people around him, and really just wants to make him proud. (Hence, his iconic solo song, "Let Me Make You Proud.") No matter what happens within our families, I can guarantee you that every single one of us kids crave our parents' validation more than anything. Even if they brush us off or belittle us, at the end of the day, when we get a good grade or achieve something, it's our parents we go to, shining with pride and excitement for that same sense of proudness move into our parents' eyes as well.

And a big part of it is psychological. I'm going to explain this using two psychological theorems:

According to the PAR Theory (Parent Acceptence-Rejection Theory), a child's perceptions of parental acceptance (warmth, affection) or rejection (hostility, indifference) are crucial for a kid's psychological adjustment. When we feel accepted, we're more likely to develop healthy self-esteem, emotional stability, and motivation. Conversely, though, perceived rejection(KEYWORD: PERCEIVED. I 'm not saying every parent inentionally rejects their children. Sometimes, you do it unknowingly, but your child takes it as rejection. However, THIS DOES NOT EXCUSE IT. You can't just say "Oh, it was an accident, I didn't mean to," and not actually try to improve your parenting, as this is psychologically DETRIMENTAL to your child) is linked to poor mental health like anxiety, depression, and low self-worth.

And the Attachment Theory poses that early relationships with caregivers(i.e. parents) form the structure for a child's social and emotional development. Secure attachment(i.e. approval, affection) fosters confidence in seeking approval and support, while on the flip side, insecure attachment(disapproval, indifference) can lead to a preoccupation with gaining approval or a withdrawal from seeking it, both of which have lasting emotional consequences that can make or break a child's emotional development. If a child receives indifference of disapproval, they will get, in layman's terms, borderline desperate to do anything for the approval of their parents.

Those two concepts say a lot about kids wanting to make their parents proud. Our brains naturally seek dopamine/happiness, and want to avoid cortisol/stress and decreased dopamine/serotonin levels. This means that we will naturally feel the pressure to do things to gain approval from our parents. We want validation. Heck, we need it. Humans naturally crave attention, especially children, and more so teenagers. At the end of the day, no matter your age, even if you're grown up, even if you're like, seventy years old, at heart we're all kids who would do anything to make our parents proud. The problem is, so many adults forget that they were once kids, and don't understand us children. So many grown-ups forget that they were, years ago, also kids who just wanted to make their parents proud.

Your parents told you that you weren't good enough. So you turned around to your children and told them that they weren't good enough. Then they told their kids that they weren't good enough, who in turn told their own children that they weren't good enough. When does the cycle end? When does a parent that grew up craving their parents' validation but never got the praise that they so desperately needed in a hard time turn to their kids and say those few words that can change the course of a kid's life:

"You're good enough."

When do we get to make our parents proud?

"I long for that look of surprise when you see your son rising at last, the pride in your eyes when you see your son rising at last" - Let Me Make You Proud, Rapunzel's Tangled Adventures, sung by Jeremy Jordan